


you remind me of my second wife...

by mnemosyne_musings



Category: Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/F, Tenuous plot, spacewives, thirteen in a tux
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-12-03
Updated: 2019-12-03
Packaged: 2021-02-18 12:07:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,646
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21660568
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mnemosyne_musings/pseuds/mnemosyne_musings
Summary: The Doctor unexpectedly encounters her wife after a trip with the fam
Relationships: The Doctor/River Song, Thirteenth Doctor/River Song
Comments: 27
Kudos: 342





	you remind me of my second wife...

**Author's Note:**

> because that line from THORS was surely not just a throwaway from Moffat! 
> 
> vaguely had this idea for a while but decided to rework it after seeing the promo with the gang all dressed up in black tie.
> 
> hope you enjoy...!

Making her way slowly up the riverbank, the Doctor shrugged out of her wet coat and turned back to watch as Yaz, Graham and Ryan squelched their way up to join her.

“Doc can I vote for somewhere a bit drier next time!” Graham called out as he tried to wring the excess water out of his shirt.

“Yeah I’ll second that” Yaz nodded fervently.

“Doctor!” the group were interrupted by approach of the High Priestess “We cannot thank you enough for what you have done today. We are forever indebted to you and your friends.”

“You’re very welcome” the Doctor grinned at her “I mean it wasn’t quite how I imagined a peaceful day of kayaking going but there you go.”

“We would be most honoured if you and your friends would join us this evening for the celebration feast.”

“Well…we would be… yeah that sounds fab doesn’t it fam?” the Doctor looked round at the others as they all nodded.

“Why not” Graham shrugged “We might as well stay for dinner eh Doc!”

“I could definitely eat!” Ryan declared, nodding enthusiastically

“Any chance we could change out of these clothes first?” Yaz piped up tentatively as the High Priestess turned to lead them back towards the palace “We weren’t really expecting to do quite as much swimming in them.”

“Probably should’ve done to be honest” Ryan muttered to Graham with a wry look at Yaz who was dripping a trail of muddy water behind her.

“Yes of course” the priestess smiled as she followed his gaze “I’ll show you to your quarters where you can bathe and change. The celebrations don’t start for another couple of hours.”

A few minutes later, they arrived at a suite of rooms. Opening the door, the priestess gestured for them to enter, showing them the bathrooms and the large walk-in closet at one end of the room.

“There should be formal evening wear for all of you” she explained “There are several sizes so you should all find something to fit.”

“Brilliant, thank you!” the Doctor spun round and grinned at the priestess as Yaz gave a sigh of relief and made a beeline for the showers.

“I will send someone to escort you to the celebration hall in due course. But now please do excuse me. I must see to the final details of the ceremony” the priestess bowed formally to them all as she left and closed the door behind her.

\--

“Come on Doc, we’re going to be late!” Graham called out for the third time in five minutes.

“Hang on! Am nearly…argh!” there was a muffled crash from inside the closet.

“Doc?”

“Are you alright?” Yaz called after a few moments of silence, getting up from the sofa looking concerned.

“What do you reckon then fam?!” the Doctor exclaimed as she suddenly flung the closet doors open and twirled round in front of them. She had swapped her usual outfit for a tux similar to the ones Graham and Ryan were both wearing but with a more fitted white shirt, dark bow tie and had even dug out some bright red braces from somewhere in the back of the closet.

“Oh Doc you look sharp!” Graham laughed as she spun back round to preen in front of the mirror.

“I haven’t worn one of these for ages” the Doctor mumbled excitedly, fixing her bowtie in the mirror “I’d forgotten how cool they are!”

There was then a knock at the door and one of the lower order priests entered to take them down to the celebrations. They wound their way through the corridors and down to the main hall. Just as they were about to enter through the large double doors however, the High Priestess reappeared from a small antechamber next to the main hall.

“Doctor” she called “would it be alright to have a quick word?”

Shrugging, the Doctor turned round and followed the priestess, gesturing for the others to go on in without her.

“Doctor shall we wait for you?” Yaz called after her as she headed into the antechamber.

“Nah, just save me a good seat!”

Fifteen minutes later or so, the Doctor still hadn’t reappeared. A large crowd of local dignitaries, priests and aristocrats had gathered in front of a raised platform at one end. Yaz, Graham and Ryan had been shown in and ushered towards seats near the front. On the platform there was a large wooden arch where flowers had been interweaved through it. Slightly to one side there was a small speaker’s rostrum.

“Where is she?” Ryan hissed as a group of priests made their way up on to the platform.

“I’m sure she’ll be here soon” Graham muttered, looking slightly anxiously towards the doors.

As if on cue, the Doctor suddenly appeared, looking slightly shaken. Waving frantically at her, Graham ushered her over and sat her down in the middle of their row of seats.

“Are you alright Doc? You look pale as anything?”

“Umm yeah… yeah totally fine.”

“What happened in there? What did she say to you?” Yaz asked, frowning at her in concern.

“Oh you know… pleasantries. They’re very grateful etc etc… Couldn’t be happier. Want to show their deepest gratitude.”

“Well that’s alright isn’t it?”

“Umm well. I think they sort of implied, well, strongly implied that I… I kindofneedtogetmarriedtothekingsdaughter” the Doctor babbled, sinking down lower in to her chair and burying her face in her hands.

“You WHAT?!” Yaz shrieked as the Doctor jerked her head up to shush her.

“What do you mean get married?” Ryan asked in confusion “That’s crazy.”

Sighing, the Doctor sat up and ran her hands through her hair, biting her lip as her eyes darted up to the stage. “Turns out there’s a prophecy that foretold a wise leader would appear and free these people from the river demon. When that happened the wise leader would then marry the king’s daughter and bring everlasting peace and prosperity. Or something like that.”

“And they think you’re the wise leader?” Graham continued as the Doctor nodded slowly “Well I suppose we did get rid of that demon thing.”

“But can’t we just leave?” Ryan shook his head in confusion “Or tell them thanks, but no thanks?”

“Umm, yeah tried that” the Doctor replied sheepishly, glancing up at him briefly “They took that fairly badly. Kind of got death threats and things. Probably easier just to get married.”

“But you can’t just get _married!”_ Yaz exclaimed.

“Well I technically can” the Doctor frowned briefly “Have done quite a few times actually. And I’m sure this one probably isn’t legally binding in at least four galaxies so that should be fine.”

“What?” Yaz spluttered in astonishment as the Doctor stared up at the platform where the High Priestess had suddenly appeared “You’ve been married before?”

Ignoring Yaz’s question, the Doctor gulped as the High Priestess caught her eye and beckoned her towards the stage. Standing up slowly, she took a deep breath, straightened her lapels and headed up towards the stage.

“What’s she doing?” Yaz hissed at the other two “She can’t just marry someone up there can she?”

“You know what she’s like, she’ll probably talk her way out of it at the last moment” Ryan reasoned with a shrug as they watched the Doctor slowly make her way up through the crowd and onto the stage. Through the wooden arch, a small door was now visible that obviously led into a room behind the stage.

Slowly making her way up the few stairs onto the stage, the Doctor paused as the priestess came forward to greet her and took her hand, leading her towards the arch. Turning away, the priestess then started to address the crowd but the Doctor tuned her out as a woman had now appeared in the doorway.

Taking a few steps towards her, the Doctor took a deep breath. This was her moment. If she could quickly explain that there’d been a misunderstanding, maybe use the psychic paper perhaps then maybe, maybe this could all be avoided. She definitely could do without another wedding by misunderstanding. Really it was definitely not a good habit to get back into.

“I’m very sorry” she whispered desperately, fidgeting with her lapels and leaning in towards the other woman who was now standing under the arch. She was a little taller than the Doctor and her head was completely covered by a dark veil. She was wearing a deep green dress with a plunging neckline. Not that it mattered what she was wearing, and that wasn’t really the point, anyway. “I think there’s been a _little_ bit of a misunderstanding here. You see I don’t really think getting married is such a good idea.”

At her words the other woman suddenly stiffened and leant away fractionally. Hoping she was on the right track, the Doctor continued on blithely “You see, I was just here hoping to do some kayaking with my friends but then we sort of got involved with that monster in the river. And then there was a thing with a skipping rope and piece of chewing gum and one thing led to another, the monster is dead, there’s talk of a prophecy and here we are. But” she took a deep breath “I think if we all just sit down and have a nice chat and a cup of tea then we can probably work something out instead yeah?”

“I think it might be a little late for that I’m afraid” the other woman whispered with a hint of amusement as the priestess moved back towards them and gestured for them both to move forward. The other woman paused before shrugging slightly and then moving her hands up to lift the veil up over her face. Turning back to look at her properly, the Doctor suddenly froze, her mouth hanging open in disbelief as she stared up at her wife for the first time since saying goodbye many years ago on Darillium.

\--

“You know, I wasn’t really in the market for another wife” River remarked offhandedly with a slight smirk as they were ushered back through the doorway into the small room behind the stage

Leaning back against the door as it closed behind them, leaving them alone, the Doctor stared in astonishment at River. Somehow she had mumbled her way through the, blessedly rather short, wedding ceremony and managed to not blurt out who she was or throw herself into River’s arms or anything else crazy. She was frantically trying to work out just how this had happened, how she was here and just quite how old this River was. Something was telling her that this River was quite a bit younger than when she’d last seen her.

“Hang on, another wife?” she suddenly glared at River as her words sunk in.

“Oh yes, had a spot of bother with Cleopatra a while back. Ended up getting hitched” River said airily “You know how it is.”

Bristling slightly, the Doctor decided to ignore that particular bit of information “But what are you doing here if you didn’t want to get married? And where’s the king’s real daughter? You don’t look like the picture they showed me.”

“Oh she’s fine. She’s enjoying a spa break on a nearby asteroid” River waved a hand in air dismissively as she loosened the veil she’d been wearing “No, I was hoping to surprise my husband.”

“Your husband?” the Doctor repeated cautiously.

“Yes, I thought I had translated the texts of this ceremony that said it was him that fulfilled the prophecy here and got married” River explained casually as she fully removed the veil from her shoulders and tossed it over a nearby chair, shaking her hair free as she did so “Thought I’d pop up and surprise him. There must have been an error with the source material.”

“Yep, must be that.” The Doctor reiterated firmly, nodding her head.

“Pity” River sighed as she turned to fluff her hair in the mirror “I hear the honeymoon suite here is quite magnificent!” she caught the Doctor’s eye in the mirror and winked knowingly, grinning when the other woman blushed immediately. “What did you say your name was again?”

“Errm err Joh…no.. Jim? Jim Smith?”

“Jim Smith?” River turned to stare at her in disbelief “That seems rather improbable.”

“Oh no, Jane! Jane Smith!” the Doctor exclaimed with a grin as River simply raised an eyebrow at her “what’s your name?”

“Melody Malone” River lied smoothly, turning back towards the mirror on the wall as she plucked a small tube of lipstick out of her bra and quickly applied it. Turning back towards the Doctor, she grinned wickedly before sauntering over to her, hips swaying. “Now, as much fun as this has been, I think I should really go track down my husband.”

“Track down your..”

However, whatever the Doctor was about to say was cut off when River grasped her jacket lapels and pulled her towards her, kissing her soundly. For a moment the Doctor panicked, feeling all of a sudden a thousand years younger with her arms flailing by her sides. Kissing? That was new in this body. All lips and mouths and teeth. And arms! What did they do again?! Suddenly though, it was as if the years were washed away and she was kissing her wife again. Feeling River start to pull away she suddenly reached up to gently cup River’s face and kissed her back firmly, opening her mouth to slide her tongue against her wife’s, resisting the urge to grin when she felt River gasp at the sensation.

Breaking away eventually, the Doctor opened her eyes and stared up at River, both of them panting for breath, pupils blown. “Well, that was…” River murmured huskily. Shaking her head slightly as if to clear it, she released the hold on the Doctor’s lapels and took a step back, frowning slightly “You should… my lipstick… you’re not… why aren’t you hallucinating?”

Staring at her in confusion, the Doctor licked her lips cautiously as the realisation quickly dawned on her. “Oh… yeah… no… that doesn’t work on me. You see I’m a… a cosmetic scientist… and I’ve been immunised against lots of cosmetic…poisons.” she rambled as River looked at her sceptically “Hang on, why are you trying to poison me? You just married me!”

“Oh you know. A girl’s got to have a quick getaway strategy” River shrugged, winking at her “Although this one’s obviously not going to work on you. I’ll have to come up with…”

“Do you have to get away?” the Doctor interrupted her suddenly, throwing caution to the wind at the thought of River leaving so suddenly “I mean we’ve just got married, there’ll be a party, and a cake and dancing and…” she trailed off suddenly, unable to put into words just how badly she wanted to cling to this unexpected gift, these precious few more stolen moments with her wife. She gazed imploringly up at River who was staring inscrutably back at her, biting down on her lower lip.

After what felt like an age, River slowly took a step forward to close the distance between them again before deliberately looking down and up the Doctor’s body with a knowing smirk. “Well” she murmured, reaching up to straighten the Doctor’s bowtie “You do happen to be wearing one of my favourite outfits. Maybe I can stick around a little longer.”

Grinning broadly and letting out the breath she hadn’t realised she was holding, the Doctor leant forward and grabbed one of River’s hands, lacing their fingers together before bringing it up to her lips and placing a tender kiss on the knuckles.

“Melody Malone, or whoever you are, I can promise you, you won’t regret it.”

\--

**Author's Note:**

> if anyone wants to write the smutty sequel of how they found the honeymoon suite then that's fine by me ;)


End file.
